When your coffee gives you a jolt, off you go in a bolt. But when you have a spill, what to do schedule your pickup & delivery!? Read on for more...

September 10, 2023

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Raising money for the Del Mar Museum of Modern Art is at the top of the list on the fundraising calendar. While anyone-who-is-anyone on the East Coast heads to the Hamptons or the South of France in August. We San Diegans stay home for mild temperatures, perfect beach weather, and the monotonously recurring DMMOMA Ball. From Casino to Gangster to Masquerade to Mardi Gras, the themes for this party have become rather trite. This year, however, Penelope Hobhouse took a break from the norm and changed the venue from The Hilton to L'Auberge. The attire for the event was fresh summer chic rather than the same old tired and passe theme.  

Yet another mystery of someone with no apparent source of income, and yet is one of San Diego's most generous philanthropists: JJ. His real name is John Jones, but according to insiders, his stage name was Jaxton Wheeler. Once an adonis who starred in every porn movie in the 1980s, with his stately physique, enormous tool, and bushy mustache - all attributes have slowly receded over the years, just like his thinning locks. His grand device has long been out of commission. 40 years later, what he lacks in stamina, girth, and length, he makes up for with a shrewd tongue and a very drab look. That look that screams, "I give up". His boxy, out-of-style, pleated, no-name suits are his hallmark. His Hollywood smile shines brightly from his overly tan, skeletal face. His once golden curls resemble an overgrown chia pet. Picture a solar panel at high noon. Most avoid this man, nicknamed the world's angriest raisin. This frump is more of what he hides than what he shows. What he lacks in personality and looks, he makes up for with his exceptional taste in young Asian men. 

His most recent boy-toy du jour was UCSD engineering student Dong Yun, a former contortionist with the North Korean circus. His family's money comes from international Arms Smuggling, plastic flatware, and petrol stations throughout Southeast Asia. Combine the body of a gymnast and the flirty giggles of a Korean War prostitute, and you've got the picture of this delightful, part-time communist. So sweet and gracious is this fem-boi that you would gladly pay his student loans if his family hadn't already done so. A bit heavy-handed with his flashy fashion sense, he was dressed in a Prada lavender sport coat with dragon gold embroidered Gucci loafers. His skinny jeans made his skinny legs appear like tiny little pipe cleaners. Accessories included a ruby-and-diamond encrusted Panerai watch and a silky yellow Helmut Lang pocket square. Without question, it's a look that defines Crazy Rich Asians, a show that Dong occasionally guest stars on. What Dong exhibits in fashion and style balances out John's grumpy, has-been demeanor. 

Joining John and Dong at their table were Jenny and Eddy Schwartz. Jenny is the grand marshal for the San Diego gay pride parade, and Eddy funds her non-paying side gigs with the generous proceeds from their Ocean Beach brewery, The Sandy Stout. True conversationalists, they shared tidbits of their recent jaunt to the Mongolian steppes and the Gobi plains, scouting a future location for their Himalayan grade school. Unimpressed by the Minister of Education, they went straight to the president, Khurelsukh Ukhanaa. After a greasy palm exchange, their building grant was immediate. They are planning their own fund-raiser extravaganza later in the year to help fund their lofty goal of English lessons for all Himilayans. 

Also joining the lot were James Ashton and his plus-one sidekick, Scarlet-Louise Minchin. James is a retired MBA professor at USD on the international lecture circuit. Even in August, his signature Brooks Brothers tweed blazer or cardigan wool sweater with leather elbow patches are his tools of overt academia. A thick head of hair tousled to the right side and those Woody Alen specs complete a look that is part cool architect, part NYU Hebrew Professor emeritus, but mostly a frumpy Ed McMahon wannabe. As for "Scarlet the Harlot", she's a brunette stunner and the founder of Minchin Cosmetics, recently paying a $200M fine for refusing to give up animal product testing. A marketing move that increased sales by 200%. She is also on the board of Animal Cruelty No More. Her stunning Vivienne Westwood little black dress was accessorized with only a thin 1" diamond stash-sash of diamonds for a very composed composition. Together, James and Scarlet make the perfect power couple, but by themselves, not so much. 



Amongst the crowd seated at the table were Laundress Lucca and gal-pal Terry Cloth. This tipsy duo had done a pre-game of nectarine gimlets at the Red Fox Room and proceeded to saunter in whilst making quite a splashy, albeit fashionably late, debut. Already sauced, they passed several wanna-be's and headed straight for the bar to imbibe in the signature cocktail, coffee Martinis. Madam Cloth was quite noticeable in her ruby Roberto Cavalli Halter Neck dress accessorized with a Bulgari 18-karat, rose-gold serpentine wristlet. The Laundress stole the show, of course, in her tangerine Zac Posen mini with floral embellished, cerulean silk stilettos from the new Happy Garden collection by Dolce & Gabanna. Completing the ensemble was an inherited orange-sapphire pendant encased in an intricate titanium setting. As for the bag, oh, the bag: Tom Ford Ava violet clutch. Stunning, indeed! Stunning indeed, until a sloppy dribble of that coffee martini splats right on your orange Zac Posen. 

We all love coffee. But we don't love the stain it just left on your favorite blouse. Don't worry; help is on the way! Mmmmm, your morning coffee - it's the absolute best...until it spills on your jammies or vintage Chanel Chamise. While coffee is the bomb, the stains, no matter where they appear (and somehow they come up everywhere) can be incredibly frustrating. Luckily, there are some tricks of the trade that can help. Read on for Laundress Lucca's sage advice for how-tos when tackling coffee stains quickly and effectively - no matter what kind of fabric you're dealing with. And you might wonder, are coffee stains permanent? Very, very rarely. 

Coffee stains typically only become a problem when they have been allowed to dry and set in, so the main thing to remember is to act quickly. If you do, coffee stains are almost always removable. If you take one thing away from Lucca's advice, the sooner you take action on ANY stain, the easier it will be to remove. And if you have the brain space to take away a second thing, let it be this: please don't throw anything with a fresh or untreated coffee stain in the dryer. Doing so will only dry it and set it in. And that makes it SO much more difficult - maybe even impossible - to remove it in its entirety. 

1. First, gently blot up any excess coffee with a dry cloth. Avoid rubbing the stain, as doing so can damage the fabric, and you really don't want to succeed at removing your coffee stain only to be faced with a much less forgiving problem.

2. Next, check the tag. If it says 'dry clean only', do what the label instructs and take it to the dry cleaners. Similarly, if it's an especially delicate fabric, like silk, consider consulting with a professional. We think it's well worth it to err on the side of caution.

3. If it's a sturdier fabric and you're tackling the stain yourself, simply rinse it with cold water. Sometimes, this is all you need to do to remove the stain. If it is, yay!. Let it air dry, and get back to enjoying your stain-free clothing once again. 

4. If cold water alone didn't quite do the trick, mix up a solution of equal parts vinegar and liquid laundry detergent. Cover the stain in the solution and let it sit for at least 10 minutes. Then rinse it. Examine the stain. If it hasn't changed much, repeat this step and rinse again. When the stain is nearly gone, you can safely wash your garment in your washing machine. However, before putting it in the dryer, check to ensure you've succeeded in removing the stain. If the stain remains, do not put it in the dryer; doing so will set the stain in, and then all bets are off. Instead, use your vinegar and laundry detergent solution once more. 

5. If the above doesn't work, you've got one tough stain on your hands: It might be time to treat the stain with a store-bought stain remover. It's rarely necessary, but sometimes it's your best course of action.

Pro Tip: If you're the kind of person who is, well, prone to spilling coffee on your clothes (no judgment), carrying a ready-made stain remover in your Versace bag might be a good idea. It'll let you treat any stains right away - even if you don't have easy access to a bottle of vinegar, laundry detergent, or a sink. 

And just like that, the stain is removed, and it's time to bring those items to the front door for the final step and finishing touch: your weekly subscription service from

While the Laundress is an expert at removing coffee stains from clothes. She also would like to share her secrets on removing coffee stains from your porcelain mugs. 

If your mug isn't dark brown or black, coffee stains are basically unavoidable. Happily, your mug is probably the easiest surface to deal with when it comes to coffee stain removal. Here is what to do. 

1. Start by spraying your mug with some Dawn Platinum Powerwash Dish Spray. Most often, you just need a good, strong dish soap, and with Dawn Powerwash, you just spray, wipe and rinse. 

2. If you don't have any Dawn on hand, break out the baking soda. Like vinegar, baking soda is one of those cleaning all-stars you probably already have lying around the house. Is that doubt we see in your eyes? Check out this list of cleaning hacks for just a few of the many ways in which baking soda is about to revolutionize your cleaning game. 

3. Sprinkle a mere tad of some baking soda on the stain, then use a damp cloth to scrub. Don't be afraid to put some muscle into it: unlike your clothing, your mug can handle it. 

4. After scrubbing, rinse your mug clean. The stain should be gone. 

And that's all there is to it. So, the Laundress suggests one more thing - instead of coffee next time, consider gin! It has more of a kick and doesn't leave a black residue behind on your Lennox barware. 


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