Apres-ski is a French term that translates literally to "after-ski" or "after skiing". The phrase made famous in the Alps during the 1950s rise of the ski sensation is defined by Oxford Living Dictionaries as "the social activities and entertainment following a day's skiing". Today, apres-ski provides an umbrella term for popular post-slope activities; it can refer to both champagne toasts on a slopeside terrace in Chamonix or craft beers around flaming fire pits in Aspen. Each hotspot has its own vibe, with one thing in common, a hefty price tag.
There is no official time frame for "apres-ski", though it usually starts around 2 pm and can last well past dinner. Hell, nightclubs in St. Moritz have been known to crank until 6 am. While apres-ski customs and culture vary from spot to spot - some ski resorts have an elevated elegance. In contrast, others have casual, laid-back vibes. So ditch the skis and boots for your Dior knee-highs, replace the helmet with a mink crown, and shed the Obermeyer jacket so your Pink Montclair sweater takes center stage. Replace the peach schnapps in a leather bota bag for a hot toddy, and you've got the picture.
Please recall from our last post that Laundress Lucca met Cici and Colin Trident at her "I Hate Valentines Day" party on February 14th. They became fast friends and, in turn, extended an invitation for a week of skiing and a coveted stay at their cattle ranch in Jackson Hole. It's one thing to fly private; it's quite another thing when you are the only one on the plane. Throw in a lustrous stewardess and two hot pilots up front, and she was flying in style! The Tridents sent the jet to Palomar for a stress-free bon voyage for the Laundress. Just pull right up and step on board. Cici and Colin picked her up on the other side in a vintage woody Wagoneer, and they embarked on a 40-minute drive into the remote backcountry of the Teton range.
The Trident ranch is 100,000 acres of prime, grazing, and old-growth timberland with a thousand heads of endangered cattle. Heralding from Scotland, the Tridents raise a cow breed that has adapted to cold and harsh environments. The highland cow has a thick, shaggy coat that keeps it warm and protected from the wind and rain. As a bonus, the wavy coat also gives it an endearingly silly appearance. The highland cow has the longest hair of any breed of cattle. Though reserved for only the exclusive table, the marbled meat puts Wagu to shame.
Expert skiers come to Jackson Hole for steep chutes followed by cheap shots at the Mangy Moose (www.MangyMoose.com). This is not a mountain for wimps; it is a black diamond course on its easiest-to-navigate slopes! As such, the partying plays just as hard as the daily runs. The Trident's and the Laundress caused quite a scene as they transitioned from snowy slopes to a roaring fire at the Moose.
Meanwhile, back at the Trident ranch, Laundress Lucca spent mornings on horseback herding steer with the ranch foreman, Parker Hudson. An imposing man of sorts. He was svelte, tall, lean (a score for the laundress), and a former marine. Mysterious, grizzled, gun-slinging, perplexed, strong-jawed, unquestionably authentic, and almost mythical. The laundress was intrigued, to say the least, and Parker fulfilled her cowboy fantasy. Men want to be Parker, and women want to have Parker. A romp in the hay is just an added bonus!
Par for the course of spending a morning on a horse herding cattle are the landmines covering your boots, jeans, shirt, and jacket.
The good news is that you can get manure stains out of your clothes with a little bit of patience and elbow grease.
1. The first step for getting cow manure off your clothes is to remove the excess poop from the garment. You can use a toothbrush or scrub brush to get the large smears. Getting the big clumps of dung off your clothes before using the washing machine is essential because if not...just imagine how dirty those meadow muffins will make your once pristine wash water. Also, it will be easier for you to tackle any stains left behind by the feces.
2. Find your household stain remover. After you've got the worst of the cow dung off your clothes, it's time to pre-treat the stain. To do so, you'll need to find an eco-friendly laundry detergent with enzymatic properties. You need the enzymatic detergent because it helps break down the proteins in poo. You can also look for laundry detergents that contain color-safe bleach to help you get the worst of the stain out.
3. Pre-treat the stain. With your laundry detergent in hand, pour a few drops of liquid directly onto the cow manure stain. Just make sure the liquid completely covers the mucky splooge. Now, use a small brush to spread the laundry detergent over the dung. Again, make sure the stain is fully covered and that you rub the detergent deep into the fabric to help speed up the process.
4. Load the laundry. Don't rinse the detergent off the garment. Instead, simply place it straight into the washing machine. By leaving the liquid on the garment, you help get the manure out of your clothes quickly. Go ahead and add more laundry detergent to your washing machine. Make sure that you use the correct dose of detergent and that you add it directly to the washing machine's detergent drawer.
5. Wash as usual. At this point, you are ready to run your washing machine: Use the hottest water that you safely can for your particular garment. The hot water will help get the manure out of your specific garment. After the cycle completes, unload the items from the washing machine and check the stain. If the spooge is gone, you're all set and ready to add to your weekly pick-up-and-delivery order from Pacifica-Laundry.com.
6. Additional treatment. Sometimes, cow manure might not lift out of your clothes right away. If you still see the feces stain on your clothes after you remove the garment from the laundry, make sure not to place it under heat. Instead, repeat the process. The second time around, you can allow the detergent to soak into the stain for a more extended period of time before you add it to the washing machine.
The good news is that the above method for getting cow manure out of clothes can usually lift out tough stains. If you're still having trouble, you can try adding a bit of distilled white vinegar to the washing machine for an eco-friendly way of boosting your stain-fighting process.
If you want to use an eco-friendly stain remover on your cattle dung stains, go right ahead. You can spray the stain remover onto the clothes during the pre-treatment phase to help you lift the stains before washing the clothes.
Unfortunately, manure doesn't always stay in a nice pile on the ground. Sometimes it ends up on jeans, jackets, shirts, and hats.
Still, another option for dung removal is to apply 1/4 teaspoon of dish soap and 1/4 cup of warm water to the area. Then pour 1/4 cup of three percent hydrogen peroxide and one tablespoon of household ammonia onto the stain. Place the clothing in a plastic bag overnight and wash it, as usual, the next morning. Sometimes you can get the unsightly stain out just by soaking it with dish soap and water. Even if it doesn't work on the first try, try it again. Clothes should never be put in the dryer until the stain is gone. The heat of the dryer will set the bothersome blotch and make it that much more difficult to remove.
Suppose it's a $5 tee from Forever 21. In that case, you're not going to spend a whole lot of time or money getting the stain out. But, on the other hand, if it's something that means a whole lot and costs even more, like a Ralph Lauren riding shirt, you have a great chance of getting that stain out.
So the next time you find yourself at a ski resort and a giant cattle ranch, rest assured there are options for removing the pesky poop that finds its way home. Clean it first, then send it out.
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